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Top Hip Hop News Story
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Anyone caught posting bullshit just to get to 100 posts will get banned from this site forever!!!... read more
Added: Friday, July 30 2010
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Anyone caught posting bullshit just to get to 100 posts will get banned from this site forever!!!... read more
Added: Friday, July 30 2010
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 342
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Child's a Genius a bit Crazy like that Family Guy...
My words come from LOST SOULS surmised n despised.. I live in the lies that forced our Minds to be covered by blinds.. chose to look at life through a new view..I Cracked the VIAL that new truth is that The Matrix is purposely Filled.. we are locked out minds dialing in to a state of will.. so we wash our hands in self pity from the crimes within.. thinking the sin is Cleansed we just follow trend.. Life is magnified by a Dirty lens.. were just trying to blend.. in turn we bend.. taking shaft to mend our shattered Promise.. I promise... what u suppose is a compromise is compromised.. This doctor finds Proctored lies while observing doctored MINDS.. I got to find ways the BACK WAY where time strays SIDE WAYS.. Besides Hay we horses eat anything thrown at us SALT LICKS.. wounds trip on the ecstasy of LIFE, that pied piper "Pain is SICK".. Ill u MIN at Y? some see Conspiracies others See words that end with Y.. But like this Short Prose The question u should ask in not what.. but Y... http://www.anotha.com/showthread.php...831#post690831 http://www.anotha.com/f30/mentally-paranoid-t67866/ Last edited by Streamlyne; 01-18-10 at 08:01 AM.. |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 342
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NVM streamlyne put them in..
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 342
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^^damn no feed?
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Mount Gambier, South Australia
Posts: 20,352
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I'm not quite grasping your rhyme-scheme? Either you're working with something unique and different, or you're not exactly grasping the idea of basic writing...
You have odd numbers of rhyming lines, and also, did you rhyme "Promise" with "Compromised" ?? Your vocab is nice. And you're speaking intelligently, so this has the potential to be something dope. I'm just not understanding how exactly you've put these rhymes together... You're rhyming is basic also, try making it more complex, using more multi-syllable rhyming, or "Multies". You've surpassed the initial basic rhyming stage I see, you're using more than 2 rhymes per 2 bar set (As in, the last word of each 2 bars) you're using in-rhymes, and although that is a good start, it's also basic when you're involving only one syllable. can you shed some light on your rhyme scheme with this one? Also, work on making your rhyming more complex, and see where you go. Because you've got potential for sure |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 342
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My words come from LOST SOULS surmised n despised..
I live in the lies... that forced our Minds to be covered by blinds.. chose to look at life through a new view.."I Cracked the VIAL".. the new truth is that The Matrix is purposely Filled.. we are locked out minds dialing in to a state of will.. so we wash our hands in self pity from crimes within.. thinking the sin is Cleansed.. we just follow trend.. Life is magnified by a Dirty lens.. were just trying to blend.. in turn we bend taking shaft to mend.. our shattered Promise.. I promise... what u suppose is a compromise is compromised.. This doctor finds Proctored lies.. while observing doctored MINDS.. I got to find ways.. the BACK WAY where time strays.. SIDE WAYS.. Besides Hay.. we horses eat anything thrown at us SALT LICKS.. wounds trip on the ecstasy of LIFE, that pied piper "Pain is SICK".. Ill u MIN at Y? some see Conspiracies others See words that end with Y.. But like this Short Prose The question u should ask in not what but Y... !!its a poem.. not a rap!!!!! |
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Mount Gambier, South Australia
Posts: 20,352
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Well I didn't know that, did I? That's why I was asking.
Usually people mention that it's a poem when posting in a sub-forum full of rap lyrics. |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 342
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>>> true.. lol... <<<<
figured the offset would have made it easy.. MyBad!! |
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Thinking About Something
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Da Six - Deuce - Six
Posts: 838
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Quote:
i get the Family Guy reference connected to being a bit crazy, that's Peter, but he's on the opposite side of genius unless you're refering to Stewie in which case you should "like them Family Guy's" the first part was looking solid until "I cracked the vial". trying to relate that to your new view after the cover of lies. i was thinking new view/cracked the vial as in poking a peak out the blinds but a vial's a container or maybe you're referring to the containment of the lies, therefore you cracked the vial. now that makes better sense. i liked The Matrix metaphor of life being depicted as predetermined and being the entire concept leading up to the only question being why. a life that doesn't question it's surroundings live to do the bidding of others overall a good piece  "My belief is that art should not be comforting; for comfort, we have mass entertainment, and one another. Art should provoke, disturb, arouse our emotions, expand our sympathies in directions we may not anticipate and may not even wish. Art should certainly aspire to beauty, but there are myriad sorts of beauty: the presentation of a subject in the most economical way, for instance; a precise choice of language, of detail." ---Joyce Carol Oates Twitter: @xMaJiKx Liqour Lyricists |
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