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Anotha Forum > Creative > Notepad: Addiction Victim ft. T-Bone & G-Streetz
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Old Posted 03-25-08
#1
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Addiction Victim
ft. T-Bone & g-streetz



(Hook: Scotty B)

A victim of addiction paints a fair description,
R.I.P. the letters that precede an honest inscription.
"Devin never was the one to try to change the world,
He only tried to make ends meet for his baby girl..."

(Verse 1: T-Bone)

He was graspin the phone practically asked to get stoned
It was sixty for a sack, he grabbed it and went back to his home
It was fat, laced with the crack he only paid fifty for that
Through all of his rage he was phased it was the trippiest crap
Pissy from that at this dealer he looks for a misdemeanor
he's grabbin a bat and wants to warn this crook to the cleaners
The line gets crooked and lean on the way to the house
Cops say they will save ya but ya flame'll get douse
Rollin by with suspicious eyes thinkin hes one of the vicious guys
hidin a bat in his shorts but then his nervousness dies
police peaced the scene he creeps and unleashes a pray
Ones gonna be deceased and only ones the jesus today
who will live on for those hours and take pride in his minutes
Survive to the limits then arrive and death is decidin the finish
So he puts his grip on the bat like he's determined to swing
But there aint no ball comin he can hear the emergency ring

(Hook: Scotty B)

A victim of addiction paints a fair description,
R.I.P. the letters that precede an honest inscription.
"Devin never was the one to try to change the world,
He only tried to make ends meet for his baby girl..."

(Verse 2: g-streetz)

BOW!!!... he cracks a cop right on the side of the head
not even to notice he was hit and he was soon to be dead
he swings again, the cold december wind catches the bat
and a shotgun slug to his head pushes his face all back
what was he thinkin, that 50 bag just brought this loser to this mess
5 minutes of a high equals a parents lifetime mourning death
the police are still shooting, emptying clips, reload them well
but one cop stops and thinks of the death of sean bell
the feen is dazed out, he thinks he sees the light of heaven
but its just a flashlight, a cop radio's a 211
they say devin was his name, he was clinically insane
an addict with a passage for the drug that clears his brain
wit the bat still in his hand, he swings once more with all his might
with all this fright he thinks why do i have to die this night
he gives a last sigh, he hears his mother's cries
god forgive my child, with her fingers she closes his eyes

(Hook: Scotty B)

A victim of addiction paints a fair description,
R.I.P. the letters that precede an honest inscription.
"Devin never was the one to try to change the world,
He only tried to make ends meet for his baby girl..."

(Verse 3: Scotty B)

Ultimate price, child of the lord, skin cold as ice,
addiction stole away his ability to consider things twice,
Tears tumble from irritated eyes, in this chorus of sighs,
Still as a statue... hands resting on blood soaked thighs,
she cradles his head like a newborn, in denial of fact,
price he paid for the sack so much more than a stack
merciless attack, sharpshooter with surgical precision,
bullets that pierced the surface like scalpel incision,
medics flood the scene, prison would be seen as a relief,
Blur of faces through slurred vision, dizzy in disbelief,
hard to accept that in a heartbeat his pulse had ceased,
now deceased he lies in streets no bitter taste of defeat,
bitter taste of tears that filter through grimaced teeth,
his mothers fears sear deep like hate that simmers beneath,
now black suits donned, closed casket at the crematorium,
obituary and epitaph that etched out a blunt memorium...

(Hook: Scotty B)

A victim of addiction paints a fair description,
R.I.P. the letters that precede an honest inscription.
"Devin never was the one to try to change the world,
He only tried to make ends meet for his baby girl..."








Links:
http://www.anotha.com/forum/showthread.php?p=507346
http://www.anotha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48264


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Old Posted 03-25-08
#2
I.Darius
JonJon's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 11,042

Story tellin' in this piece is dope. You's where all on the same page when it came to tellin the story.

Tbone - You where the build up in this piece. buildin the foundations. I feel this is the most important part of a story. If you don't have a good start it makes it easier for the rest to crumble. Multis where dope, sometimes a little forced. But none-the-less a pretty good verse.

Rollin by with suspicious eyes thinkin hes one of the vicious guys
hidin a bat in his shorts but then his nervousness dies

^ya best lines. even if the bat in the shorts is a bit freaky. I can relate to it tho. My girl knows can prove it


G-Streetz - You where the main part, the guts of the story. you explain what happend, how the situation came about. I'm actually suprised by your verse because story tellin' isn't 1 of your strongest avenue's. When I read the 'BOW!!' I thought it was gonna be the start to a bad verse. But you succeded and proved me wrong. another good verse.

he gives a last sigh, he hears his mother's cries
god forgive my child, with her fingers she closes his eyes

^ya best lines

Scotty - Dope imagery. You where the aftermath. Alot of the time this is the hardest part to do, because there is only so much emotion that can be put into words. I thought you portrayed this excellently. Metaphorically it was a great verse.

tbh I liked all of ya verse but

now black suits donned, closed casket at the crematorium,
obituary and epitaph that etched out a blunt memorium

Hook was iight. I'm not a big fan off hooks in text. The hook mentions his 'baby girl'. As in his daughter? Because I c no mention of her in any of the verses.


I say this should win drop of the week, as there isn't much competition this week this is by far the stand out piece.

I know scottys already feeded my 'hella bored' drop but I hope T and G could return feed. as it took me bout 20 mins to write this feed lol

you's a ho.... so suck me
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Old Posted 03-25-08
#3
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The Most Phenomenal drop i ever saw in anotha just the simple fact that story line was vicious but G-Streetz omg you Blew this with Ease dont get me wrong t-bone and scotty went in but G-Streetz.....nuff said



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Old Posted 03-26-08
#4
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i been waiting for anotha to see this drop
i always wanted to know who was the 3rd person on this
and t-bone ur verse was sick
when scotty b sent it to me
i though it was his verse lol
but scotty b closed this drop with a bang
uppin for more feed on this
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Old Posted 03-26-08
#5
I.Darius
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Posts: 11,042

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godsplan View Post
The Most Phenomenal drop i ever saw in anotha just the simple fact that story line was vicious but G-Streetz omg you Blew this with Ease dont get me wrong t-bone and scotty went in but G-Streetz.....nuff said
roflamo my bad for the free post. def a good drop but I wouldnt put it in the same catagory as 'Pillow Talk' and 'Water Under The bridge' just to name a few. Then again most of them shits dropped while u was on a hiatus from anotha. Its all good tho u entitled to your opinion

you's a ho.... so suck me
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Old Posted 03-26-08
#6
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thx for the feed y'all, I enjoyed doing that verse, g-streetz, when i said your verse the flow seemed a bit choppy, but otherwise it was dope, nice intro, Scotty B, loved the imagery, I could feel the words myself...dope collab, uppin more feed y'all...



~F.O.E.~Family Over Everything
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Old Posted 03-28-08
#7
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Da Six - Deuce - Six
Posts: 842

y'all was on point man, definitely the drop of the week (despite the lack of drops). everyone here did a great job tellin' the story, followin' one after anotha, you guys did a great job with this. turnin' this single event into 3 parts, all of it was vital. each of you provided your own swag to this as well adding an array of skills. Bone with the flow, Streets with the aggression, and scott with the imagery. i think the appointed narrations to each also helped the story a lot. you have the introduction, gettin' things started, and Bone sets it up with a vivious flow. a little forced at times, and i think that distracts you from comin' up with punches, but really sets the tempo for the drop. and thn streets comes in to talk about what happens with matches perfect with the hunger, you can feel it happenin'. and finally scotty comes with an over-view providin' distubrin' imagery. one hell of a drop. guys.

fav. lines:

T-Bone
police peaced the scene he creeps and unleashes a pray
Ones gonna be deceased and only ones the jesus today

G-Streetz
what was he thinkin, that 50 bag just brought this loser to this mess
5 minutes of a high equals a parents lifetime mourning death

Scotty
now black suits donned, closed casket at the crematorium,
obituary and epitaph that etched out a blunt memorium...

"My belief is that art should not be comforting; for comfort, we have mass entertainment, and one another. Art should provoke, disturb, arouse our emotions, expand our sympathies in directions we may not anticipate and may not even wish. Art should certainly aspire to beauty, but there are myriad sorts of beauty: the presentation of a subject in the most economical way, for instance; a precise choice of language, of detail."
---Joyce Carol Oates

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